Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Nerdy Blog Night: Mel asks the tough questions. Before it gets long enough ago to be completely irrelevant, I would like to make a few comments about Nerdy Blog Night. It was exactly as I had feared. All the sexy and popular bloggers sat down the front, where Clem Bastow and her tousled consort had staked out a booth. The unglamorous and unpopular lurked down the back or hovered shyly in the half-darkness of the dance floor. Thankfully, the manslave was not brandishing a sign, although there were name tags. I wouldn't have wanted to be the bar staff - after a few hours, it looked like there'd been a ticker-tape parade in there.

Everyone was all "Is Ms Fits here yet?" "Have you seen Ms Fits?" and "Are you Ms Fits"? When Fits finally showed up, the manslave introduced her to me and she squealed and hugged me. It was gratifying and she seemed very nice, but still, I was irritated at myself for buying into all the Fits idol worship.

My conclusion was that I am deeply ambivalent about Nerdy Blog Nights, and would hesitate before going to another one. Unlike the manslave, I don't actively cultivate online networks. The biggest pleasure of the evening for me was talking to people I have met in real life but more often encounter through their blogs: for example, Guy, Elanor, Adam, Joseph, Virginia, Angus, Anita and the Whitebait.

Yeah, I had a good time. But I left earlier than I could have, because many people I'd wanted to talk to had left, and I was starting to feel nauseated by the sexual desperation I could see blossoming around me. Did I mention that two of my New Year's resolutions are not to be so much of a boozer as I was last year, and to leave parties as soon as I start to wish I was somewhere else?

Now, to the tough questions:

Which blogger claimed to be "totally in", not only with another blogger, but with Lily the "hot bar chick"?*

Which blogger also put the moves on Lily the "hot bar chick"?

Which blogger enjoyed half-price drinks all night?

In an interpretive dance to "Rock the Casbah", which blogger was the jet pilots?

Which blogger was the minarets?

Which blogger shares my trashy musical taste and knows all the words to "Ice Ice Baby"?

Which blogger is much more attractive in real life than in photos, and bears an uncanny resemblance to two guys I had a crush on last year, including The Boy I was painfully in love with?

Which blogger initiated a marvellous re-enactment of the campy West Side Story-style knife-fight dance sequence from Michael Jackson's "Beat It" video?

Which blogger did I go to primary school with?

Which blogger was mad at another blogger after an instant messenger tiff earlier that week?

Which blogger gave another blogger what could loosely be described as a "blowjob" in the disabled toilet, between fits of uncontrollable laughter?

Which blogger lives around the corner from me?

Which blogger cleared the dance floor by requesting "Me So Horny" by 2 Live Crew, followed by "Cover Girl" by New Kids on the Block? (The same blogger later requested Beck's "Hollywood Freaks", which also cleared the dance floor.)

Which gay blogger was clearly up for some action with members of the opposite sex?

Which extremely hot and unattainable blogger attacked my right breast with a sticker reading "Nice Pair"?

Which blogger came back to my house and stayed until 3pm the next day?

* I wish Ruth had been there to mock all this bar staff picking-up. But let's get something straight: Lily has a devastating combination of hotness and friendliness. Everyone thinks they're in with Lily. Some are more correct than others.

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