Sunday, May 05, 2019
Graham's doppelgänger nemesis: the full story. Graham has an enemy: a neighbourhood cat who looks strikingly like him. Obviously I call this cat Fake Graham. Fake Graham is the only visiting cat that truly upsets Graham, and I can’t help linking it to the fact they look so alike.
Our story begins on 8 July last year when I was sitting on the couch watching TV or reading, or more likely wasting time on social media. Graham, who was sitting on my lap, suddenly started staring intensely out the window. I followed his gaze. Poised on the neighbour’s fence, staring down in imperious silence, silhouetted like the wolf in Fantastic Mr Fox, was Fake Graham.
Fake Graham freaks real Graham out a lot. He doesn’t care as much about other cats that pass through our backyard, but he screams and huffs when it’s his doppelgänger. He patrolled the windows for a long time that day, staring out intently, even though Fake Graham had long since stalked away along the fence.
Then, on 11 July, I spotted Fake Graham hanging around in the street. Gave me a real lurch in the heart, it did, because I'd been sure real Graham was safely locked in the house. I chased FG down an alleyway to pap him as proof, but because he was so far away my camera couldn't focus on him properly and he has that unsettlingly blurred look of a legendary creature, like Nessie or Slender Man.
Only four days later, on a Sunday afternoon, Graham fought a Vicious Battle with Fake Graham in the neighbour’s back yard. I heard the screaming noises over the fence and called to my neighbour Polly, "Is one of them a black and white cat?"
She called back, "Both of them are black and white cats!" and I was like, oh no!
It was uncanny to see real Graham all puffed up with rage, chasing his near-identical opponent with a tuft of white fur in his mouth. Fake Graham fled across the street. Took me ages to wheedle Graham out from under Polly's front porch; he was really worked up.
Look at my beautiful wounded warrior, with his wounds all bathed in saline. He copped it in the face and on the left ear, which to my dismay did not heal straight and now he has a nick out of it, ruining his perfect beauty. Still, I love that Graham was brave and faced down his opponent rather than getting wounds on his tail and back legs which would show he was running away. And I took him to the vet the next day and miraculously, nothing else was wrong with him.
On 14 September, I went out to get some Ziyka and guess who I papped?
I have to say though – and this is very disloyal of me – that I think his coat is thicker and more handsome than that of my own beloved cat. But Fake Graham has a shit personality. He's like the JJ Feild to Graham's Tom Hiddleston. He's like the JJ Feild to Graham's Lee Pace. He's like the JJ Feild to Graham's Jude Law.
On 20 November, EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE! Real Graham is in the foreground of this shot and Fake Graham is in the background, facing the camera.
Graham was carrying on so I went outside to check what was up, and lurking in the weeds was FAKE GRAHAM! After a short confrontation Graham chased his nemesis over the back fence. Poor buddy: he then went and drank for a very long time at his outdoor water bowl. The hate had really taken it out of him.
30 November: when you hear a noise outside and are convinced it is your doppelgänger enemy.
On 27 December, I had my closest encounter yet with Fake Graham.
Look at him! Collarless!! But very sleek; he is no street cat. I walked very slowly towards him, crooning, “hello little fake one, hello, fake cat…” until he was close enough to touch my outstretched hand… which he sniffed and then turned and walked away.
Then in March this year, I heard a terrible sound like a cat being run over, and found Graham in another pitched battle with Fake Graham in the backyard. Fake Graham scrambled away over the back fence, but Graham remained rooted to the spot in absolute fight mode, puffed up and gabbling like Oh Long Johnson, and hissed at me when I tried to approach.
Ooh this fake demon who is terrorising my buddy!
And then are you ready for this? Tonight I was parking my car and who should I spot but FAKE GRAHAM who got up cautiously on a fence yet allowed me to approach (I stretched out a hand which FG sniffed but would not submit to pats). Thus I obtained the clearest photos to date of my cat’s doppelgänger and nemesis!!
Us (2019, dir. Jordan Peele)
I suspect he lives in Kay Street because I often see him lurking around the alleyway that runs between Kay Street and Pitt Street. I think this was his own back fence he was perched on.
It is a shame that we will be moving in September so Fake Graham will think he has won this battle of wits and is now the only black-and-white domestic medium hair cat in the neighbourhood. But he will always be a sham and a phony and an impostor, a First Series of The Simpsons version of my dear authentic buddy, the once and future Graham.
Our story begins on 8 July last year when I was sitting on the couch watching TV or reading, or more likely wasting time on social media. Graham, who was sitting on my lap, suddenly started staring intensely out the window. I followed his gaze. Poised on the neighbour’s fence, staring down in imperious silence, silhouetted like the wolf in Fantastic Mr Fox, was Fake Graham.
Fake Graham freaks real Graham out a lot. He doesn’t care as much about other cats that pass through our backyard, but he screams and huffs when it’s his doppelgänger. He patrolled the windows for a long time that day, staring out intently, even though Fake Graham had long since stalked away along the fence.
Then, on 11 July, I spotted Fake Graham hanging around in the street. Gave me a real lurch in the heart, it did, because I'd been sure real Graham was safely locked in the house. I chased FG down an alleyway to pap him as proof, but because he was so far away my camera couldn't focus on him properly and he has that unsettlingly blurred look of a legendary creature, like Nessie or Slender Man.
Only four days later, on a Sunday afternoon, Graham fought a Vicious Battle with Fake Graham in the neighbour’s back yard. I heard the screaming noises over the fence and called to my neighbour Polly, "Is one of them a black and white cat?"
She called back, "Both of them are black and white cats!" and I was like, oh no!
It was uncanny to see real Graham all puffed up with rage, chasing his near-identical opponent with a tuft of white fur in his mouth. Fake Graham fled across the street. Took me ages to wheedle Graham out from under Polly's front porch; he was really worked up.
Look at my beautiful wounded warrior, with his wounds all bathed in saline. He copped it in the face and on the left ear, which to my dismay did not heal straight and now he has a nick out of it, ruining his perfect beauty. Still, I love that Graham was brave and faced down his opponent rather than getting wounds on his tail and back legs which would show he was running away. And I took him to the vet the next day and miraculously, nothing else was wrong with him.
On 14 September, I went out to get some Ziyka and guess who I papped?
I have to say though – and this is very disloyal of me – that I think his coat is thicker and more handsome than that of my own beloved cat. But Fake Graham has a shit personality. He's like the JJ Feild to Graham's Tom Hiddleston. He's like the JJ Feild to Graham's Lee Pace. He's like the JJ Feild to Graham's Jude Law.
On 20 November, EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE! Real Graham is in the foreground of this shot and Fake Graham is in the background, facing the camera.
Graham was carrying on so I went outside to check what was up, and lurking in the weeds was FAKE GRAHAM! After a short confrontation Graham chased his nemesis over the back fence. Poor buddy: he then went and drank for a very long time at his outdoor water bowl. The hate had really taken it out of him.
30 November: when you hear a noise outside and are convinced it is your doppelgänger enemy.
On 27 December, I had my closest encounter yet with Fake Graham.
Look at him! Collarless!! But very sleek; he is no street cat. I walked very slowly towards him, crooning, “hello little fake one, hello, fake cat…” until he was close enough to touch my outstretched hand… which he sniffed and then turned and walked away.
Then in March this year, I heard a terrible sound like a cat being run over, and found Graham in another pitched battle with Fake Graham in the backyard. Fake Graham scrambled away over the back fence, but Graham remained rooted to the spot in absolute fight mode, puffed up and gabbling like Oh Long Johnson, and hissed at me when I tried to approach.
Ooh this fake demon who is terrorising my buddy!
And then are you ready for this? Tonight I was parking my car and who should I spot but FAKE GRAHAM who got up cautiously on a fence yet allowed me to approach (I stretched out a hand which FG sniffed but would not submit to pats). Thus I obtained the clearest photos to date of my cat’s doppelgänger and nemesis!!
Us (2019, dir. Jordan Peele)
I suspect he lives in Kay Street because I often see him lurking around the alleyway that runs between Kay Street and Pitt Street. I think this was his own back fence he was perched on.
It is a shame that we will be moving in September so Fake Graham will think he has won this battle of wits and is now the only black-and-white domestic medium hair cat in the neighbourhood. But he will always be a sham and a phony and an impostor, a First Series of The Simpsons version of my dear authentic buddy, the once and future Graham.
