Tuesday, July 28, 2020
Notes towards a published account of an archaeological dig. Lying in bed imagining future archaeologists analysing my body and speculating on the funerary customs of the early Covidian period.
“The woman was buried on her back under layers of textiles, with the right leg bent and the right foot resting against the straight left knee. In the triangular gap thus created, but on top of the textile layers, the body of a large cat has been placed, resting on its side – perhaps a treasured pet or sacrificial totem. This culture clearly worshipped cats, as fibres from feline fur were found spread throughout the gravesite.
“The woman is wearing black socks of a combination wool and synthetic knit; small labels on each sock read “Explorer”, perhaps denoting the wearer belonged to an elite expeditionary caste. The woman wears cotton trousers that were originally a bright azure blue, with several holes over both inner thighs. These could have been ceremonial Covidian fertility garb, or the holes could be due to expeditionary wear. The woman wears black under-trousers whose waistband is woven with the repeated motif BONDS. This could be a fertility spell or perhaps an apotrophaic incantation.
“On her torso the woman is wearing a knitted cotton ‘tee shirt’ decorated with vinyl polymer fused to the shirt in a heat-melting process. The design reflects another spell or caste allegiance:
‘RESPECT
HONOUR
VALUE
YOUR FIREFIGHTERS’
“Over the tee shirt, the woman is wearing a collared shirt in a thicker cotton that has been brush-treated to create a soft, fuzzy nap. The shirt has button fastenings and two breast pockets, and curiously is printed in a chequered pattern of red and white on a dark blue ground, in imitation of the woven plaid textiles found in the pre-Covidian settlement of Tartan. Perhaps this indicates the woman is of Tartanese ancestry.”
can’t be bothered writing more of this joke
