Thursday, March 25, 2004

A scary dream I had last night. I'm up at the snow, but not skiing, just wandering around rugged up, when I come into a clearing and stop to look around. I spot a group of people and there's one chick that I'm sure is laughing at me. She stops whenever she sees me looking at her. So I go over and say "Have you got a problem?" and she exchanges glances with her friends and starts laughing again, right in front of me. So I get really mad and push her in the chest, and then it's on, this big scrag fight in the snow. Her friends are all standing around chanting "fight, fight," etc and we're grinding each other's faces in the snow and pulling each other's hair but because we're all rugged up in parkas etc we can't really get the blows in. Then I get an idea and I grab her leg and start tugging at her boot, which is this padded waterproof 'moon boot', and after ages I get it off and just hurl it away into the scrub. Who knows where it lands. Now she'll be fucked trying to enjoy her holiday with only one snow boot. Everyone goes silent and I feel this palpable wave of disapproval, like I've overstepped the rules of scrag fighting. And even I know it was a wrong thing to do, but I was so angry I couldn't help myself.

I was quite frightened when I woke up and recalled this dream, because of how full of irrational rage I was in it. I wonder what it means.

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