Thursday, April 29, 2004

Melbourne University stupidity. Today I had lunch with Daniel, which I enjoyed a lot, because he was in a good mood. But when he's in a bad mood he turns his ridicule on others (like, he called me a "Jew-hater" cos he thought I'd made up the movie The Hebrew Hammer - unfortunately, it's stupid enough for that to be plausible, so when I tried to explain the plot, people would just laugh). He also has an annoying habit of pointing his water bottle at people like a microphone and making them say stuff into it.

We were walking past Wilson Hall, and he said suddenly "I have chest pains. If I die, will you record a commemorative rap for me?"
"Okay," I said; but then he was at me to actually freestyle the rap. I was like, "uhh, props to my homie Daniel, who dropped dead/Outside Wilson Hall".
"No, no, no," said Daniel. He started the most ridiculous beatboxing. Daniel's musical tastes run more to 80s indie rock and depressive singer-songwriters. Then he started singing every line I came up with back to me in a falsetto. "Yo!" he squealed. "Yo! Yo!" I told him he sounded like a pirate, and moreover, if Gilbert and Sullivan were alive today, that's the kind of urban music they'd produce. Then Daniel started another tack:

Daniel: I like Aeroplane jelly/Aeroplane jelly for me
Mel: I like it for dinner, I like it for tea
Daniel: And what I like most of all is sodomy

We approached the concrete lawns, where speakers had been set up and a DJ was playing some random hip-hop beat. Inspired, Daniel came up with the following rap:

Daniel is a student in the English department
Writing a thesis about fucking little boys

At this point, a girl walking ahead of us started smirking. I don't remember the rest of that verse, but the second verse went something like

So don't leave Daniel with your children
He'll certainly teach them a thing or two
But when you get them back
They might have a rash

By now I was laughing hysterically. "Hmmm, I don't think pedo rap will really take off," he said.

Also, when we sat down on the lawn to eat our lunch, there was this chick wearing shitloads of makeup and a pair of black Bettina Liano jeans, and not only did she have arse cleavage - practically her entire arse was hanging out of her pants! I felt I should approach her and let her know about her wardrobe malfunction, but Daniel said no. It was like she was mooning the whole concrete lawns, and she didn't even realise! In the words of Fannypack, "She mustn'ta owned panties, there were none in sight!"

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