Saturday, April 24, 2004

My advice to you: start drinking heavily. This is a John Belushi quote from one of Sandor's favourite movies of all time, Animal House. Of course, this conflicts with all the information I and my partners in teenage crime received at the Australian Drug Foundation after the Year Ten Semi-Formal Incident, which I have since come to regard as somewhat of a template for my adult life (sexual inadequacy addressed by binge drinking). According to the ADF, the chief effects of binge drinking are those sexist oldies-but-goodies of getting into fights (males only, cos alcohol unleashes men's innate aggression) and having bad-judgement sex (females only, cos alcohol both unleashes women's innate sluttishness and diminishes their ability to fend off men's innate lust). But binge drinking can also provoke "feeling bad about yourself afterwards (such as shame or embarrassment)", "feeling vulnerable and out of control while intoxicated," and my personal favourite, "financial losses through reckless spending on alcohol or having to have time off work to recover from a binge."

They also say you shouldn't drink more than 3 days per week, and women should keep below four standard drinks a day on each of these designated drinking days. So, this has been my week:

2 glasses red wine at book launch
approx 4 pots beer at trivia night
ADF rating: Risky

1 bottle beer at St Jerome's
(passed up an invite to "Wheel of Beer" night at Lambsgo Bar because I felt ill)
ADF rating: Low risk (well done, Mel!)

3 bottles beer at Prudence
ADF rating: Risky

1 pot beer at the Deep Shit
3 cans beer at St Jerome's
2 bottles beer at Public Office
ADF rating: High risk

I glass red wine at postgrad seminar series
1.5 pots beer at the Deep Shit
2 cans beer at St Jerome's
1 bottle beer at Bourgie
1 bottle beer and 1 glass red wine at Rue Bebs
3-4 pots beer at First Floor
ADF rating: High risk

And tonight (Saturday) I'm going out with my ex-workmates. I wager that more drinking may occur on this particular occasion. In the words of Barney Gumble, "It begins!"

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