Thursday, July 22, 2004

I wish I had a personal assistant. And a research assistant. And an agent. And a personal trainer. The PA could handle my diary, book my appointments, organise my Fringe festival marketing. The research assistant would gather all my library books and journal articles for the pirate book chapter that is due on August 1 and that I haven't yet started. Is that normal, for people to write chapters in edited anthologies in a week? I've lost track of normality, given that it seems most academics write their conference papers at night during the conference, which is what I did last week with my Hollywood hobby bands paper.
Meanwhile, the agent would go in to bat for me at publishing houses to get my bogan book published. This would be especially useful, given that I no longer have any interest whatsoever in bogans or books thereon. The agent would also approach record companies and radio stations to make me a star. And the personal trainer would wake me up at 6:30am every morning and bully me into going jogging, and tell me to keep going when I felt too tired, and make me up a diet (the PA would go to the supermarket and buy all the food), and make me stick to it.
Together, this retinue would ensure that I would be free to concentrate on pure intellectual labour. Like blogging.
I have a terrible combination of personality traits: rampant laziness, low humiliation threshold, stubbornness, impatience, and feeling "nothing's done right unless you do it yourself." I think if I actually had this staff, my life would quickly descend into a nightmarish scenario of feeling resentful that these people can't do things the way I want them done, and embarrassment that they'd seen me at my worst.

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