Thursday, July 08, 2004

My karaoke triumph!! Last night was my Extreme Karaoke semi-final. I still hadn't decided what to sing when I got there. I'd narrowed it down to three songs: "The Way You Make Me Feel" by Michael Jackson, "You're the Voice" by John Farnham and "Cherry Pie" by Warrant. Earlier I'd toyed with "Need You Tonight" by INXS but discarded it because it wasn't spectacular enough.

The judges were Dave Callan the bearded Irish comedian, and the Vodka Cruiser guy, who was the sort of mildly sleazy Aussie bloke you'd imagine as the editor of a men's magazine. No Igor from Big Brother - very disappointing. The DJ organised us into groups of five, and there were five rounds. I was in round four.

Some standout contestants: the dude who did "Addicted to Love" with pelvic dance movements; the chick who did "It's Oh So Quiet" with wonderful Björk-style screams; a taxi driver (I shit you not - he was wearing his uniform) who did "Rebel Yell"; the chick who did "Work It" by Missy Elliott; this guy who looked about 15 who I dubbed the "Rock Hobbit", who did a white-hot screeching rendition of this song by Black Sabbath? Deep Purple? I think it might have been called "Give Me Your Love" or some such, I didn't know the song but the crowd did and was very excited.

There were also some bad contestants, like the chick who didn't know how "Groove Is in the Heart" goes - like, how can you be aged 20-30 and not know that song inside out? Also, this chick who did "I'm Outta Love" by Anastacia - she even donned a pair of tinted glasses. Then there was the dude who did "Khe Sanh" wearing a witty outfit of manga t-shirt and camo combat pants. (Maybe it wasn't intentional.) He was just boring. Then there was the middle-aged bogan with a ginger-coloured 'fro-mullet, who did "Working Class Man". Of course. Then there was the dude in the burgundy slacks and batik print shirt ("I saw Kamahl wearing that outfit on Bert the other day," commented Dave Callan) who did "Dancing Queen". That was really bad.

Controversially, there was also a rap duo who did "In Da Club" and just started freestyling, which was awesome, but not really in the spirit of karaoke - especially considering duos were not supposed to be allowed in the finals. According to the applause-o-meter, they got into the grand final, but there were also boos; I'm not sure if someone else got to go.

Let me also describe what I was wearing. I sensed a need to dress 'rock', even though that's not really my scene. I had my hair in a high ponytail. I was wearing shiny red lipstick and my silver crucifix earrings. I had my black "Collingwood Boxing Club" t-shirt and red ra-ra miniskirt with my black silver-studded belt and wide-mesh fishnets and black boots. Oh, and a ridiculous single fishnet fingerless glove that went about to mid-forearm on the hand I used to grip the mic.

I would just like to say here that I dedicate my performance last night to Shane, the Karaoke King, who doesn't let a complete inability to sing rob him of his throne. I pulled out all the stops. I exhorted the crowd to hold up cigarette lighters. I shook my fists - oh, how I shook them! I did an air-bagpipes solo. I held the mic out to the crowd so they could "make a noise, and make it clear." Towards the end I unleashed my hideous Axl Rose yowl, eg: "understaaaaand it! Make a noiiiiiiiizzzzze!"

Anyhoo, so I'm in the grand final which is not next Wednesday but the one after, that is Wednesday 21 July at 9pm at the Laundry. You should come and witness the fitness.

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