Friday, September 10, 2004

Random musings. I have recently noticed the use of the phrase "two-way" to describe mobile phones. As opposed to "one-way" pagers. I have never understood why people would have a pager and a mobile phone - why don't you just have a mobile? I noticed this in that stupid song "Bounce" by Sarah Connor, which, to my delight, has a bridge with some faux-Nelly rap.

I heard a real-Nelly song yesterday. It was only okay, I was pretty disappointed. I heard a lot of radio yesterday because I had to drive to and from South Caulfield twice in as many days to get my MA thesis bound. I had it bound in turquoise with gold lettering. None of that boring black shit. Not that it will matter on the dusty shelf to which the thesis will be consigned for ever after.

I had the first half of my Incredible Melk paparazzi shoot last night. I got the photos back today but nobody except me is going to see them until I cull out the really bad ones. I have only looked at one of the six films and there are already some deeply embarrassing pictures. And I haven't even got to the roll where my tits fall out of my Donatella Versace costume.Certain other people have nothing to fear in the unphotogenic department.

There's a lot to be said for digital photography. I get so humiliated and imagine the photo lab staff laughing over my awful pictures and making secret copies for themselves to put on their "Wall of Shame". I could dismiss this as my own egotism, except that at my work we have a noticeboard of funny stuff cut out of newspapers and magazines. Some of my favourites are an ad for a dog-carrying bag ("Little Dogs Look Red Hot..."), and an ad for a hair-replacement clinic ("I Refuse to Go Bald!").

For the shoot, I had to get some clothing for the handsome young man playing the Melk's ex-boyfriend, Joel Sinclair of Hugo Boss Posse. So I went to Savers where I got some great stuff, including an excellent tiered full-circle skirt which I'm wearing now, with a black singlet over a white t-shirt, black footless tights and my black studded belt. Oh, and I'm wearing a black headband as a wristband, which makes me feel so street. Looks great on my mic hand. Word.

I also got some great early-90s compilation CDs with wonderfully ludicrous names like "Yo, Let's Go!" "Kool Skool" and "Let's Get 2 It". They have such songs as "Play That Funky Music", Vanilla Ice's follow-up to "Ice Ice Baby", both "Sexy Is the Word" and "Read My Lips", and other shit that I can't remember off the top of my head. But I passed up another CD that had "Spin That Wheel" by Ya Kid K, cos that's about the only good track on it. It really goes to show how ephemeral pop music is, cos even though I was avidly listening to top-40 radio at the time (and I like to think that I have a more extensive memory than most for particularly short-lived pop songs), I didn't recognise so many songs.

Also at Savers, I bought a neon red trucker cap, on which I used a black texta to write "Does my brain look big in this?" I was very pleased with this stroke of genius - almost pleased enough to wear it in public even though trucker caps are the work of the devil. I especially liked the way that PC looked avariciously at it last night and said "Ohhh, where did you get that?" Maybe I should sell them as part of my Melkwear label.

I also came up with a great couplet for the rap verse in "Stand Up/Sit Down" - I was so pleased with it that my chest was tight with suppressed laughter - you know when you think something is so great that you just want to tap the nearest stranger on the arm and tell them, just so you can tell someone?

With the addition of this couplet, here is my rap verse. I like it so much that I don't care if no-one else does.

There's something I forgot to tell ya
I'm the shyest chick in all Australia
I need a bad boy to break the cycle
I'll be your Kylie if you'll be my Michael
I've noticed that you've cracked a fattie
You can be Bert, and I'll be your Patti
But don't flush our love down the drain
I'll be your Kelli if you'll be my Wayne

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