Tuesday, January 11, 2005
What not to call your lingerie shop. I've just been doing some dodgy web-surfing. Cigarette companies, feminine hygiene products, hair and makeup brands, lingerie shops... Yes you guessed it, I'm looking for sponsors for my show. I feel kinda bad about asking for money from cigarette companies, but have tried to rationalise it in the following ways:
1. They will be most likely to sponsor me because of their otherwise limited promotion.
2. Their money will be going to a good cause (my rather funny and smutty rap show).
3. Stuart is smoking a cigarette in every photo of him I use in the show and on the website.
But anyway. I was really struck by some of the names that lingerie shops see fit to give their establishments, given my fondness both for puns and for that Late Show segment on Stacks of Slacks, the Bolt Bloke, etc. Here are some of my favourites, which I have awarded various Booby Prizes (although some could win in multiple categories). I've actually culled down the original list, omitting ones that are merely dumb, like Margie's Boutique of Lingerie and Corsetry in Tweed Heads, Serenety [sic] in Morphett Vale, or More Than Bras in Toowoomba.
The Mona Vale Award For Worst Pun
Booby Traps (Mona Vale, NSW)
Nothing Butt...Lingerie (Mona Vale, NSW)
Dawn's A New Beginning Fashions (Kalbar, QLD)
Lace of Hearts (Dandenong, VIC)
Petticoat Junction (Eltham, VIC)
Daze & Nites (Caloundra, QLD)
Bold As Bras (a WA chain)
Breast Dressed Lingerie (Round Corner, NSW)
Big Girls Don't Cry (Anymore) (Fortitude Valley, QLD)
The Kath Day-Knight Award For Provincial Swinger-Style Creepiness
Hong Kong Lingerie (Wollongong, NSW)
No Regrets (Inverloch, VIC)
Fatal Attraction Lingerie (Forster, NSW)
A Whisper of Lace (Tuncurry, NSW)
Horsham Undercover (Horsham, VIC)
The G Spot (Gympie, QLD)
Stripped (Seymour, VIC)
Prima Ballerina Behind the Mask (Penrith, NSW)
You Really Are Beautiful (Fairfield, NSW)
Naked Leather (West Burleigh, QLD)
The Carry On Award For Slap'n'Tickliness
Innuendo Lingerie (Brighton, SA)
Tops & Bott's Lingerie (Holt, ACT)
Foxy Lady Lingerie (Berri, SA)
Between the Sheets Lingerie (Bendigo, VIC)
Horizontal Tango (Maroochydore, QLD)
Panties & Pearls (Prahran, VIC)
Fishnets and Fascinators (Queenscliff, VIC)
Lisa's Lacies Larger Size Lingerie (Seaford, VIC)
Cuddles & Curves Lingerie (Denhams Beach, NSW)
Abigail's No. 96 (Bundall, QLD)
Sassy Lassie (Queanbeyan, ACT)
The Tara Reid Award For Too Much Information
Colleen's Post Mastectomy Connection (Phillip, ACT)
Bumfloss G-Strings (St Kilda East, VIC)
Kissable Knickers (Mt Hawthorn, WA)
Ragg Denn & Unmentionables (Numurkah, VIC)
Snappy Legs (Malvern, VIC)
If I had a lingerie shop I would call it Cheap Frills. What would you call yours?
1. They will be most likely to sponsor me because of their otherwise limited promotion.
2. Their money will be going to a good cause (my rather funny and smutty rap show).
3. Stuart is smoking a cigarette in every photo of him I use in the show and on the website.
But anyway. I was really struck by some of the names that lingerie shops see fit to give their establishments, given my fondness both for puns and for that Late Show segment on Stacks of Slacks, the Bolt Bloke, etc. Here are some of my favourites, which I have awarded various Booby Prizes (although some could win in multiple categories). I've actually culled down the original list, omitting ones that are merely dumb, like Margie's Boutique of Lingerie and Corsetry in Tweed Heads, Serenety [sic] in Morphett Vale, or More Than Bras in Toowoomba.
The Mona Vale Award For Worst Pun
Booby Traps (Mona Vale, NSW)
Nothing Butt...Lingerie (Mona Vale, NSW)
Dawn's A New Beginning Fashions (Kalbar, QLD)
Lace of Hearts (Dandenong, VIC)
Petticoat Junction (Eltham, VIC)
Daze & Nites (Caloundra, QLD)
Bold As Bras (a WA chain)
Breast Dressed Lingerie (Round Corner, NSW)
Big Girls Don't Cry (Anymore) (Fortitude Valley, QLD)
The Kath Day-Knight Award For Provincial Swinger-Style Creepiness
Hong Kong Lingerie (Wollongong, NSW)
No Regrets (Inverloch, VIC)
Fatal Attraction Lingerie (Forster, NSW)
A Whisper of Lace (Tuncurry, NSW)
Horsham Undercover (Horsham, VIC)
The G Spot (Gympie, QLD)
Stripped (Seymour, VIC)
Prima Ballerina Behind the Mask (Penrith, NSW)
You Really Are Beautiful (Fairfield, NSW)
Naked Leather (West Burleigh, QLD)
The Carry On Award For Slap'n'Tickliness
Innuendo Lingerie (Brighton, SA)
Tops & Bott's Lingerie (Holt, ACT)
Foxy Lady Lingerie (Berri, SA)
Between the Sheets Lingerie (Bendigo, VIC)
Horizontal Tango (Maroochydore, QLD)
Panties & Pearls (Prahran, VIC)
Fishnets and Fascinators (Queenscliff, VIC)
Lisa's Lacies Larger Size Lingerie (Seaford, VIC)
Cuddles & Curves Lingerie (Denhams Beach, NSW)
Abigail's No. 96 (Bundall, QLD)
Sassy Lassie (Queanbeyan, ACT)
The Tara Reid Award For Too Much Information
Colleen's Post Mastectomy Connection (Phillip, ACT)
Bumfloss G-Strings (St Kilda East, VIC)
Kissable Knickers (Mt Hawthorn, WA)
Ragg Denn & Unmentionables (Numurkah, VIC)
Snappy Legs (Malvern, VIC)
If I had a lingerie shop I would call it Cheap Frills. What would you call yours?
