Monday, April 11, 2005

Some vaguely amusing search terms. Although of course I would never presume to impersonate the master, I was struck by some search terms people used to find this blog. Of course, when you have "wild" and "young" in the title, you're asking for trouble.

mel (Google)

Congratulations, super-skilled web surfer. I can't hide from you. Cannily, you have navigated your way through billions of pages, and you have found me.

"polo shirt with a tie" (Google)

How the fuck did you know what I was wearing today? Stalkers! Stalkers! As I knotted the tie this morning I was actually musing fondly on my previous observation that the Vice crowd would describe my look as "totally played". Well fuck 'em. Business casual is here to stay.

"where are the gay footballers" (Google)

My question would be more like, "Where are the straight non-footballers?"

tits hurt from not wearing a bra (Yahoo)

Beauty is pain, ladiez.

free squealing first time arse pics (Google)

I get lots of search terms along the lines of "hot young teen cock", "g-string cameltoe", et cetera. (And now I'm probably going to get more!) But I guess it's the squealing that troubles me about this one.

Who played the human in the hit musical "Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off!"? in the simpsons (Google)

Troy McClure. It was the part he was born to play! But my favourite part of this query is that the musical was a "hit". I have long wanted to stage either this, "Kickin' It: A Musical Journey Through the Betty Ford Clinic" or "Oh, Streetcar!" I reckon if you did it in the Comedy Festival, people would definitely go. But the trouble is how to portray cartoon characters playing musical characters. I'd be better off to write my own musical. And as this year's bountiful crop of comedy musicals demonstrates, that would be, in the words of Vice, totally played.

pictures of Delta Goodrem's vagina (Google)

What is wrong with you people? You sick, sick people!

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