Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Snippets. Jeremy really knows how to charm a lady. (Alas, it's not by saying "I want to be on you.") No. I was having lunch with him today and he said, by way of conversation, "Mel, you have a booger hanging out of your nose."

Thank goodness I have someone to invigilate my snot. A while ago I wrote a short story called "Personal Integrity", which was a corporate satire in which a 'personal integrity consultant' was engaged by a marketing consultancy to protect its staff from etiquette lapses during a major business pitch that would, if successful, save them from being taken over by a large competitor.

Yesterday I was at the North Melbourne Legal Centre and a guy was walking up the stairs behind me. I went to the front desk and so did he. That's when I realised that he was holding a pizza box and had a curiously eager expression on his face like a munted troll doll. This meant that he was none other than the pizza man who called me a cocksucking cunt! Oh, my heart was thudding in my chest as I stood there next to him! Did he realise it was me, or did I blend into a sea of fucking cheap bitches who'd had the temerity to ask him for change from a twenty?

I am a little tired of living in a household of five adults, of whom exactly two (me and the manslave) bothered to help clean the house for today's house inspection. He mowed and raked the front and back yards and tidied away rubbish, while I vacuumed the hallway and living room, mopped the kitchen floor, cleaned dirty marks off the walls and doors, cleaned the windows and picked some roses from the back yard to put in a vase in the living room. (Oh, yesterday I had also swept the kitchen floor and cleaned the bath.)

Then Jacinta gets home, not noticing how much cleaner and tidier it looks now. Yet she still gets all pissed off because there are dirty dishes in the sink. You see, she has an insane crusade to "avoid a display of lack of hygine [sic] and lack of politeness" by keeping the kitchen bench and sink entirely clear of dishes, food or appliances, which she puts on the floor instead, for extra 'hygine'. She also notes who used which dishes, and holds them up accusingly before adding them to the basket of dirty dishes on the floor.

I am moving by 21 November. Who here knows of a house in an inner Northside suburb which has a maximum of three bedrooms, for under $500 a month?

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