Wednesday, December 28, 2005

2005: was it better or worse than 2004? My instinct says worse. I haven't felt as consistently unhappy since 1999, which according to my personal mythology is "the worst year of my life". But 2005 was also quite a good year. Here are some pros and cons.

Met some wonderful new people through the magic of the internet
Had the internet at home
Hung out more with people I didn't see enough
Read some great books that made me think and affirmed my worldview
It was fun living with the manslave
Started a magazine and people seemed to dig it
Did a show in the Comedy Festival
Left crappy North Melbourne and am now straight outta Carlton
Published some interesting articles (eg mannequins, City Library, the SMH op-ed dream run)
Worked at The Big Issue and earned the most money I've ever earned in a job, ever

All the issues to do with Wetburgh Street
Wasted a lot of time on the internet
Lost my job in June and have had no steady work since - waited until my bank account was in double digits before throwing myself on the mercy of the government, with all the nightmarish bureaucracy that involves
Feeling angry and lonely and depressed all the time, but having no money to see a therapist
Crashed my car in October and have to pay $1900-odd by 14 January. This may be a little difficult as I have no money, but if I can't pay it by then they'll charge me $2400 instead
Being rejected by various men I was interested in (and who claimed to be interested in me), with all the associated self-hatred about being fat and ugly

All this raises the question: is 2006 going to be better or worse than 2005? I had a disagreement with Jeremy about whether I am a pessimist, an optimist or an idealist, but basically I have always believed that things work themselves out in the end, and that life is always going to get better, but on the other hand I constantly feel disappointed and betrayed by the way things actually turn out.

Anyway, I have to go now. It is really annoying me not having internet access at home anymore. It is also annoying me that my computer at home (nee Guy's computer) doesn't seem to recognise USB disks.

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