Wednesday, December 14, 2005

This film is rated IA. Mel recommends it for viewing by immature adult audiences only. It contains coarse language, sexual references, and juvenile themes.

The other day I was talking about porn versions of normal movies. This fascinates me and sometimes I am so excited at having come up with another one that I have to text-message my friends and tell them about it. Two recent SMSes referred to Igby Goes Down and The Dykes of Hazzard. Years ago Penny and I had an SMS war with these. Penny considered she'd won with Womb Raider, but personally I thought I'd won with Remember the Tight 'Uns.

Anyway, last night Natalya challenged me to come up with porn versions of the classics. I obliged with:

Come With the Wind
Citizen Cane (an S&M movie)
The Jizzard of Oz

Obviously the Lord of the Rings cycle writes itself.

Oh, there are so many others:

Dances With Vulvas
A Cockwork Orange
Boner on the Fourth of July
Cum Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
American Booty
Steel Manhole-ias
The Break-fist Club
My Big Fat Greek Style Wedding
The Gobfather
Million Dollar Boobie
Raiders of the Lost Arse

As a total aside, today I bought a juice called Spring Valley Vibe that contains "apple, carrot, orange, pineapple, passionfruit and banana juice". I don't know why the fuck I did this. I guess I was just interested in what flavour this would produce. The answer is: no flavour at all. How can I explain it? the juice tasted like a vaguely sweet, not very nice-tasting liquid. I could discern sharp notes that were perhaps the pineapple or passionfruit, but I do not recommend this juice at all.

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