Monday, January 30, 2006

How I kickstarted my stand-up comedy career. Last week I had a dream in which I made my debut as a stand-up comedian in the 1970s. The Seventies bit was important because in my dream, I rationalised that audiences were less demanding back then. I would like to emphasise that I actually made up this routine in my dream. It is lame, of course, but no lamer than my conscious jokes. Okay, so in the dream I was naked but covered in vines, like a wall, so I appeared all green and leafy. I got up there and my routine went as follows...

So it's not much fun to be all covered in vines like this. I went up to a gardener and I said, "Can you give me a trim?" He said, "Do I look like a beautician to you?" I said, "What are you talking about?" and he said, "I'm not in the business of trimming a lady's bush!"

The audience laughed uproariously at this, because it was the Seventies and 'bush' was the ultimate in sophisticated repartee. Heartened, I continued...

So when he was done, I was naked except for a topiary over my crotch. I said to the gardener, "What have you done?" and he said, "What? This is how I was taught to trim a box hedge!"

That's all I can remember about the dream, but I was particularly chuffed at the 'box hedge' joke, which has actually got a laugh from several people I've told about this.

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