Monday, May 29, 2006

The curse of Naff Dance Face. I curse the advent of online party photos. It not only makes you feel awful about yourself if you aren't pretty or dressed stupidly enough to make the gallery; it also captures your drunkenness for all to see. Of course if you're me, this means your hypnotic powers are showcased for a global audience. But another dreadful side effect is the dancefloor phenomenon known as Naff Dance Face.

I have never known what kind of facial expression to make while on the dance floor. Usually I settle for a half-smile, because if you make any kind of expression that suggests you are nonchalant or cocky about your dancefloor prowess, you will slide headlong into Naff Dance Face. Here I bring you several examples from the Opulent Magazine party from last Friday night, which I attended but only moderately enjoyed. Even though the music was amazing, I didn't feel cool enough to talk to people, and the crowd was a strange mixture of extreme hipster-hoppers, average age 23, and bleary suits who'd been at the venue since 5pm.

One of the key elements of Naff Dance Face is to crinkle your brow and bite your lower lip as if in concentration.

Or you can kind of grimace, like, "Yeah, put it there!" Actually, you could imagine that all sorts of filthy things are happening to these people just out of frame. Flaps, as Sonya Hartnett would say.

If you have a fringe, make sure to swish it in your face. This guy is so good at assembling the component elements of Naff Dance Face that I have put two pictures of him in.

He looks a bit like Peter Andre in this one.

She, however, just looks constipated.

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