Thursday, June 29, 2006

Best delivery of crappy TV dialogue in ages.

Here's the dialogue in question. I can't even believe someone bothered to type this and put it on the internet.

Chase: We should start him on cyclophosphamide, see if it makes a difference.

House: Yeah, and interferon.

Foreman: Interferon isn’t an approved treatment for lupus.

Cameron: You’re not still thinking –

Chase: Interferon isn’t an approved treatment for heavy metal toxicity, either.

House: True. But it’s pretty much the only thing we can do for a viral infection. We didn’t consider it because it doesn’t –

Foreman: Because it doesn’t make sense! There’s no fever!

House: Because he’s got no immune system, thanks to the immunosuppressant you prescribed him for lupus treatment.

Cameron: He didn’t present with a fever, either.

House: Because at that point he was a post-viral autoimmune reaction, which again, thanks to the immunosuppressant you prescribed for lupus treatment, his immune system basically rolled out the red carpet for the dormant virus, waking it up, turning it into a present viral infection. Give him interferon.

Foreman: But if it is lupus, interferon could make it worse. Suppress his bone marrow even further.

House: Which is more likely, a rapidly progressing, acute onset lupus in a patient who’s already on steroids or a team of doctors missing a post-viral reaction?

Foreman: We didn’t miss anything.

House: Well, then, I’m wrong, and she shouldn’t. Give him interferon!

Today I went through a bunch of old floppy disks, hoping to discover the screenplay for my beloved action movie, The Delta Function. I was gutted when most of them wouldn't work on this computer. The Delta Function was full of awesomely crap dialogue, most of which I can't even remember properly. It was my aim to get it off the ground: an entirely Australian-produced movie, acted in dreadful American accents, that was so ludicrous yet so believable that it would go on to top the US box office and make instant stars of all its cast and crew.

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