Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Lift my skirt and take a look at my charms. Yesterday I was wearing the undies that come with the stupid Hook-Ons that I was suckered into buying (and which I chronicled here). The stockings might be immensely irritating but the undies themselves are cute and very comfortable. Plus they have useful little loops on them where the stockings are supposed to 'hook on'.

I discussed this with Natalya and we came up with the genius idea that you could attach little charms of the sort designed for mobile phones. For example, these could be diamante initials (which I happen to know are widely available at a cost of $3.50 apiece). How fricking awesome would it be to be walking around all day with blinged-out stuff hanging off your underwear? Awesome, let me clarify, in a sort of ludicrous (Ludacris?), excessive way that characterises the best of bling ("Feels like a midget is hanging from my undies"?)

Or how about bells? You would be like a cat! People would hear you coming without knowing where the noise was coming from, and when you danced it would be like Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho!

But as anyone who knows me will realise by now, this entire idea is really an excuse to set up a puntastic scenario in which I am able to say in a thick and implausible Irish brogue, "Who's trying to get at my lucky charms?"

Sadly, nobody tends to appreciate my charms these days (or indeed, any days). There is nothing more tragic in my book than being a present that nobody wants to unwrap.

Still, I think I might actually do this. I am, after all, the sort of person who takes stupid ideas and runs with them. Cases in point: Babel Fish Karaoke, the Disco Cape, The Incredible Melk, Friends of Anton Enus, Undies on tha Head, Helmets for Hipsters, Piss, Shit and Vomit, and other ideas that are so awesome and top-secret that I can't tell you about them yet, even though I really really want to. Let's just say a certain Google search features in this.

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