Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Jewish dad jokes. Natalie Portman's dad to her gentile boyfriend: "It's just a simple operation." Apparently. The ingredients of a good dad joke are: a) Is really lame; b) Embarrasses the child, often in front of his/her friends and love interests.

I am not Jewish, but after seeing Pirates of the Caribbean on Saturday (or as Jeremy pronounces it, Pirates of the Ca-ribby-an), I was thinking how much my dad would enjoy the film. He is the sort of man who loves shonky James Bond-esque double entendres and awesome stunts that teeter on the brink of farce. For instance, he loves car chases that end up in multi-car pile-ups. He really loves the Indiana Jones movies. His favourite part is in The Last Crusade when the Nazi drinks from the wrong Grail and ages to a skeleton in about ten seconds, and the old knight says, "He chose... poorly."

The best thing about dad jokes is that I get so much pleasure from telling them to my dad, who invariably laughs uproariously and says "I've gotta remember that one!" Here are a few I told him recently:

Q: How do you titillate an ocelot?
A: Oscillate its tit a lot.

A bank teller called Patricia Wack is sitting at her desk when a frog walks in and says "Hello, I'm Kermit Jagger, son of Mick Jagger the famous rock star, and I would like a bank loan."
She looks astonished and says, "Just wait a moment."
She goes into the bank manager's office and tells him what the frog says.
The manager picks up a small china horse from his desk and hands it to her.
Puzzled, she says, "What's this?"
"It's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

And here's one I got from the latest Popbitch:

I woke up this morning to see a man stealing my gate. But I didn't say anything in case he took a fence.

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