A Wild Young Under-Whimsy

A conversation with my parents over the worst photo in the world. The magazine has been shortlisted in the Premier's Design Awards, and a few weeks ago we went to the official announcement of the shortlist, where the very worst photograph of us EVER was taken. Apparently there are more but I can't bring myself to search for them. Sometimes it's better not to know. Here is the photo, judiciously abstracted by me in Photoshop.



As you can see, it would have been a striking composition, had we not looked like complete goombahs. Our attention was brought to this photograph by Jeremy, who emailed us the link with the caption, "This is why I maintain strict control over online images of myself". But ironically, he came out the best. From left to right: Tash's eyes are reduced to slits and she looks pure evil; I have a massive pimple on the first of my two chins; Jeremy looks fine (although he claims his ears are sticking out); Penny blinked and came out looking brain-damaged; and Stuart looks like a rabbit caught in headlights.

I thought it was so funny that when I was at my parents' house for my official Family Birthday Dinner, I had to show them the photo. Here is a vague transcript:

Mel: Look: it's not even full size. I can make it even bigger!
Mel's Dad: Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Mel: Lucky Tash's coat is obscuring my body.
MD: You don't look so bad. Who's that in the middle?
Mel: That's Jeremy.
MD: Is he the American?
Mel: Yes. Mum! Are you coming to see this?
Mel's Mum: All right.
[pause]
MM: Who is that with the enormous scarf? I've never seen a bigger scarf.
Mel: It goes Tash, me, Jeremy, Penny and Stuart.
MM: Is Jeremy the American?
Mel: Yes. Look at Penny! A-haa ha hah ha ha ha hahh!
MM: Is Stuart Penny's boyfriend?
Mel: Yes. But look at her! Ahhhh-haha-ha-hah!
MM: I think that Stuart looks worse.

Update, 22 August: Here's what Choc had to say on the subject:

Subject: Gold
From: Choc
Date: Tue, August 22, 2006 10:11 am
To: Penny

I just saw the publicity shot you guys had for the premiers award!

Actually, I saw the shot about 13 minutes ago. I've only just recovered from a torturous laughter fit. I think its caused internal bruising.

Way to go!

I want to see you outdo that beauty if you win. Although I can't imagine how. You'd need to call Peter Jackson and get him to CGI some Lord of the Rings shit.