Monday, February 19, 2007

Maximum sex-u-rity. Did you like what I did there? For a couple of minutes I floated away to a happy place where I can make puntastic titles for imaginary prison-themed porn. This was all inspired by the Herald Sun's lurid page one splash today, "PRISON SEX VIDEOS". I was most diverted by this story, imagining some sordid and exploitative scam by prison staff to force inmates into degrading sex scenarios, which they would then film and sell on the internet. Kind of like the "dragon" scene from Starsky and Hutch crossed with Oz.

Imagine my disappointment, then, to discover that it's just some moral panic about jailed sex offenders being shown videos featuring naked kids. (Do you like the way that the Hez always refers to them as "fiends"?) These are not pornos, but movies that would have had a general release (ahem). They include:

The Truce, an Italian movie about a young man's travels after he leaves a Nazi concentration camp. It includes a scene of him watching naked boys and girls aged under ten frolicking naked in a field.

Before Night Falls, the story of gay Cuban writer Reinaldo Arenas, which includes a scene of a young boy watching naked men and boys in a river. Before Night Falls is advertised as featuring "strong sexual content, some language and brief violence" and also includes gay sex scenes.
Two questions strike me at this point. Number one, why are these people retarded enough to offer the screening of films like this at an intensive program for rehabilitating sex ofenders? And number two, can't they watch this fancy foreign smut on SBS any time they like?

But really, I must confess I found this story much less interesting than my original idea. So I will get back to my happy place and begin some more brainstorming:

Solitary Confinement
Shiv Honeyz 3
Prisoner: Cell Bonk H
Revenge of the Screws

As you were.

Update, 20 February: Of course I had to start a thread on the internet about this. Those deviants are so creative - check out some of their suggestions. As a result of being in a community of like-minded peers, I lost any residual sense of taste and morality. Here are some I came up with:

Out on Probe-ation
Monster's Balls
The Cream Mile
The Great Ass-Rape
Sex-Cons: Repeat Offenders
Judge, Jury and Sexecutioner
Cavity Search 5
Rim-anded in Custody
Prison Riot 21: All Hands on Dick
Capital Penisment
Boogie Board Bangerz: The Slappelle Cockby Story
The Bali Nine-Way

But really, I feel you can't go past Prison Break 4: Sphincters Be Bleedin'. I am still laughing helplessly at that one.

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