Thursday, July 03, 2008

Bat the balls! This is my new ridiculous turn of phrase. You can file it next to "Jaunty Pussy" and "not too shabby"*. It originated earlier this week as I was vowing to get through lots of work in my working day. I was imagining myself as a tennis player, and the tasks I face in my daily life as one of those automated serving machines that remorselessly spits out balls. I saw myself matching the machine ball for ball, dispatching them all efficiently as they came.

Fthoonk! Pok! Fthoonk! Pok! It was a satisfying image of ultra-competence. "C'mon Mel, today you're gonna bat some balls!" I said to myself with fierce, comforting determination.

It is unfortunate that it sounds like some kind of masturbatory practice involving testicles. But I have become attached to my ball-batting expression and am psychologically unable to alter either 'bat' or 'balls' to sound more socially acceptable. "Bat the balls" it is, and "bat the balls" it shall stay. It sounds like some kind of ridiculous hyper-macho vernacular, such as one might find in Glengarry Glen Ross, or perhaps the Channel Nine boardroom.

So tomorrow, I'm totally gonna bat some balls! Pok!

* Just for future reference, you should probably know my Scale Of Greeting Responses:

Q: How are you?

A: Really good = I am feeling extremely happy
A: Not too shabby = Fine, thank you
A: Pretty shabby = I have a hangover
A: I'm all right = I am feeling stressed, angry or miserable
A: Meh (or other grunt) = Things are very bad with me today

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