Friday, December 12, 2008

New in David Sedaris News: Christmas is cancelled. Yeah that's right. My mother is so upset about Monday night's events that she has cancelled our family Christmas. You heard me. No damn Christmas! And apparently it's all my fault! I ruined Christmas!

Dad called me up today playing the Ban Ki-moon role of peacemaker. He asked if I would apologise to my brother miT. I firmly refused. There is no way I am grovelling to a common, garden-variety bully like miT when I don't believe I did anything wrong. Also, I really enjoyed throwing that glass of water over him.

I do, however, realise the irony that in refusing to apologise I am aping miT's beloved John Howard. Perhaps we could have a Family Reconciliation Convention and the rest of my family members could turn their backs on me. And then some bourgies could walk across a bridge or something.

Perhaps my mother's threat to cancel Christmas is a bluff. But I am kind of looking forward to having the 25th free and chilling like a big old pimp. I might hang out at home, cook myself a delicious feast (without any of the foul seafood my mother insists on ruining Christmas dinner with), drink some champagne and watch some DVDs.

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