A Wild Young Under-Whimsy

In praise of pseudoephedrine. So I've been sick. The whole thing: rivers of golden snot; scratchy sore throat; aches and pains; cotton-wool head. Feeling freezing cold even though I was wearing a T-shirt, flannel pyjamas and a polar-fleece and lying in bed under a doona and a blanket. Then feeling boiling hot and dizzy, so I had to take the polar-fleece and the blanket off. Dreaming stressful dreams of a MIFF queue that never went anywhere, and a MIFF film with no plot that never ended.

Then I went out and got some cold and flu tablets. The pharmacy lady tried to steer me towards these bullshit herbal capsules with the echinacea and the zinc and so on. Fuck that for a joke. Give me pseudoephedrine.

I don't know whether bikie meth labs employ armies of people to buy up pseudoephedrine who are obviously sick-looking, with watery red-rimmed eyes and a constant sniffle. (No wait. They might. These people are called junkies.) Anyway. it was very annoying that I had to register to buy cold and flu tablets. They put my driver's licence details in a little book they have for that purpose.

But anyway. It's totally worth it. I've had my first two tablets and now I feel the absence of sickness and pain that's almost a high in itself. I feel as if only an hour ago I was a Walkman whose batteries were running low and making the songs sound all slow and dragged-out, and now I have replaced the batteries and I'm playing a cheerful tune again.

The drudgery implied in the phrase 'soldiering on' doesn't even explain it. I feel optimistic and energetic, as if I can actually tackle the mountains of work that await me today. Whereas yesterday, I struggled to get through the simple items on my to-do list, and when I stubbed my thumb while washing dishes, I had to lie down on the couch and sob. And I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep tonight rather than tossing and turning, alternately shivering and sweating.

I just wanted to explain how amazing pseudoephedrine is. You might say, "Well, duh, it's speed." But I want to emphasise that simply using this drug for its proper purpose is making such an absolute difference in my life. It's like the time I discovered Naprogesic and was like, "What, you mean I don't have to spend several days a month crying and vomiting in crippling menstrual pain?"