Thursday, August 05, 2010

Overheard on the train. I feel really naive for believing that people stayed at work until 5pm or even 6pm! Because I was on the 4:45pm Lilydale train from Parliament, and the platform and the train were already quite crowded! Slackers.

Anyway, I managed to find the last seat near the spot I entered the carriage. It was a middle seat facing backwards: the least desirable seat. Since I am not one of those idiots who insist on always facing forwards on public transport, this was fine by me.

Except that on my right was this monstrous, swarthy gym-junkie – you know, the kind with a skin-tight lemon-yellow T-shirt, piercings in both ears and hair sculpted into a central tuft? Whose arms are so huge he can't put them down by his sides and his elbow digs into my side, and his thighs are so huge he has to sit with his legs splayed into my seat so that one of my butt-cheeks is on the cushion and the other on the plastic seat surround? I didn't look closely at his face but I bet his sideburns tapered down to a point.

Anyway, he was talking to his female friend who was sitting in the seat opposite. She was tiny compared to Goliath here, and looked vaguely goth – parts of her dark hair had been dyed blue, and she was wearing thigh-high black socks. Her exposed thighs above the socks looked like plucked chicken skin. They both looked like uni students, although I am getting increasingly poor at accurately guessing people's ages and they might even have been high-school students.

Goliath was thrusting an earbud at her and saying, "Listen to my music!"
She said, "No! I'll listen to my music."
"Yeah, that's why I'm offering," jested Goliath.
"Well now you've insulted me, I definitely won't listen to yours," she said. "Or, you know, you could, like, talk to me."

They began to talk about music in general. "There's a guy in my philosophy class who says he doesn't listen to music at all, doesn't like it," she said. "I told my tutor, who's in, like, three bands."
"I mean, how can you understand philosophy if you don't like music?" Goliath offered. "Music is fundamental to life."
"We had to think of a controversial topic, and he took like half an hour to think of one," she said. "I mean, who can't come up with a controversial topic?"
"He's probably a virgin, too," said Goliath.
"He must have a really sad, difficult life, not liking anything."
"Doesn't like music, doesn't like sex… Not like me!" Goliath said.

"The best thing," he continued, "is listening to music while you're having sex."
"Definitely!" she nodded. "Like, when I was up in Byron Bay at Bluesfest I was having sex while my favourite band Gogol Bordello played. It was amazing."
"Did your boyfriend come to Bluesfest?"
"No, I met up with a bunch of gypsies."
"Wait – you got laid by some random gypsy?"
"No – I know them from circus school. I went to Bluesfest with my dad, and then I knew they were going to be there, so I met up with them."
"So your dad is off enjoying the festival while you're having sex in a tent?"

At this point I got out my own music and quickly stuffed my earbuds in. The song that came on was 'Out Of Touch' by Hall & Oates. I could still hear them talking, though – apparently she was a gymnast but she has a shoulder injury at the moment. Goliath also said at one point, "Look at my hamstring – it's massive!"

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