Sunday, January 16, 2011

My day on a plate. It sometimes amuses me to imagine how my lifestyle would be portrayed in those ridiculous magazine segments that are designed for people to show off about how virtuous their lives are. It's the same enjoyment I get from defying 'foodie culture' by blogging my Shit Cooking™ recipes.

Back when my favourite intellectual journal, Sunday Life, ran a fitness test for 'ordinary people', I would fantasise enjoyably about how abjectly, hilariously low I would score on such a test. Sometimes I debate whether I should photograph my entire house, in all its banality and messiness, then blog it as a parody of those Apartment Therapy/Design Files tours through the homes of 'creative people'. (But then I feel uncomfortable about offering randoms off the internet a comprehensive picture of my personal space.)

Today I have decided to offer you an insight into my life by completing the Sunday Life "My Day On A Plate" segment. This is what I ate yesterday.

3pm I meant to get to my favourite cafe, North, much earlier than this, but I sat down at my computer to 'check on my eBay auction' and ended up doing some blogging. I had huevos rancheros – otherwise known as black beans, cheese, fried eggs and salsa on tortillas with some corn, chopped-up chorizo and avocado. I also had two glasses of water and two lattes – one before the meal and one afterwards.

6pm I went to check the Enthusiast post office box in Prahran and it was disgustingly hot, so while I was waiting for the tram home, I bought a medium-size Slurpee from the Sev – half cola and half 'mixed berries' flavour.

7pm Got home, destroyed from the heat. Had a large glass of iced water and a glass of verdelho from the Meredith goon bag in the fridge. Fell into more blogging.

9pm Holy shit, I have forgotten to eat dinner. Made a salad: lettuce grown in the school garden where my mother teaches; cherry tomatoes; avocado; cucumber; artichokes; crumbled Mersey Valley cheese; vinaigrette dressing. Had another glass of verdelho while I started to watch Misfits, the British TV series everyone has been raving about.

2am Have now watched four episodes of Misfits and got through another two glasses of verdelho. Was saved from further eating only by the fact that McDonald's does not do home delivery.

Humourless nutritionist says:*

Mel should definitely be eating breakfast and lunch. It is ridiculous that she didn't eat or drink anything until mid-afternoon – no wonder she was tired and thirsty later on! She should steer clear of coffee as it will also dehydrate her. The beans are a good source of energy and the tortillas are low GI, but the chorizo is too fatty and Mel should consider poached rather than fried eggs. Slurpees are really just sugar and Mel should choose water instead. A salad was a good dinner option, but it was eaten too late at night – Mel should have eaten it at 7pm when she got home. Cheese and avocado are fatty and Mel should put some quinoa in her salad, because I always advocate adding quinoa to just about any dish. It is a whole grain and has a low GI, even though it is as tasteless as horse oats. Mel should also cut down on her wine intake – one glass is the recommended daily alcohol intake for women. By drinking wine at home, Mel may also have been drinking more than one standard drink per glass.

* This is probably bullshit. My knowledge of nutrition is largely gained from reading various trend-based stories in newspapers, Sunday Life, women's magazines, and that time I was made to study responsible drinking at the Australian Drug Foundation.

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