Saturday, November 05, 2011
My Ryan Gosling dream last night. For some weeks now I have been 'researching' a story about people who dream about Ryan Gosling. But then there's always some more pressing deadline and I never get round to it. I'm basically really sick of my crappy life, earning my living by scrabbling away in a collection of low-stakes, high-turnover gigs for 16 hours a day, and invoicing for $30 or $100 or $200 or $300 at a time. In an all-time lifestyle low, yesterday I bought Home Brand fish fingers.
However, I decided to collect all my Ryan Gosling dream research into a Tumblr – because, where else, LOL? I put it on BuzzFeed and it went voooooooiral.
Last night I had a Ryan Gosling dream of my own. If you know anything about my struggles with a cat who likes to poo on the floor next to his perfectly clean litter box, you will perhaps find it more understandable.
I was in a very fancy hotel suite getting drunk with some of my friends and suddenly there was a knock on the door. My co-worker Kane answered and it was Ryan Gosling!
He sat down at the table and poured himself a scotch like he'd been there all night. I realised he was already very drunk – well, drunker than me, at any rate – and looked very dishevelled.
But what was annoying me was that Kane was clearly trying very hard to impress Gosling because he was acting way more bro-like than usual, cracking jokes, addressing conversation only to Gosling, et cetera. In the dream I found this infuriating.
Then Gosling got up from the table, went into a corner, pulled down his pants and, with zero shame, pooed on the floor. I was disgusted and said to Kane, "You clean that up – you've been brown-nosing him all night."
Kane refused to clean up Gosling's poo, so I had to get some paper towels and do it myself. My feeling of disappointment and resentment was almost intolerable.
However, I decided to collect all my Ryan Gosling dream research into a Tumblr – because, where else, LOL? I put it on BuzzFeed and it went voooooooiral.
Last night I had a Ryan Gosling dream of my own. If you know anything about my struggles with a cat who likes to poo on the floor next to his perfectly clean litter box, you will perhaps find it more understandable.
I was in a very fancy hotel suite getting drunk with some of my friends and suddenly there was a knock on the door. My co-worker Kane answered and it was Ryan Gosling!
He sat down at the table and poured himself a scotch like he'd been there all night. I realised he was already very drunk – well, drunker than me, at any rate – and looked very dishevelled.
But what was annoying me was that Kane was clearly trying very hard to impress Gosling because he was acting way more bro-like than usual, cracking jokes, addressing conversation only to Gosling, et cetera. In the dream I found this infuriating.
Then Gosling got up from the table, went into a corner, pulled down his pants and, with zero shame, pooed on the floor. I was disgusted and said to Kane, "You clean that up – you've been brown-nosing him all night."
Kane refused to clean up Gosling's poo, so I had to get some paper towels and do it myself. My feeling of disappointment and resentment was almost intolerable.
