Thursday, January 09, 2014

The Cat Who Miaowed All The Time. I just found this children's picture story book in my drafts. I wrote it in 2010 but never published it because drawing all the pictures was too time-consuming. I actually did more pictures than are uploaded here, but the computer I stored them on got stolen, so you will never know the true extent of my genius.

Today I was thinking about it again because on Facebook I saw someone had a painting of their cat and I wished I had a framed painting of Graham, even though that is the most insane cat-lady desire. A friend of Natalya's painted a portrait of Meep once; she showed me a photo. (Her ex had the actual painting.) It was quite a good likeness.

I had an insane thought of painting a Graham portrait myself. The aim would be something tasteful and classical such as this:

But it would probably come out looking like this.

Anyway this made me remember this stupid cat story. I realise there should probably be a 'story arc' in which the cat's miaowing gets him into trouble and so he learns not to miaow so much, but REALISM.

Hello publishers? May I please have a book deal? Thank you kindly. And please note – don't get some rubbish professional illustrator to illustrate it. You have to use my MS Paint Classics (well, actually Photoshop, but done only using the paintbrush tool). Okay, let's begin the story. Each sentence would represent a page.

Once there was a cat who miaowed all the time.

He miaowed first thing in the morning when his owner was trying to have a sleep-in.

Sometimes she would let him into the back yard and get back into bed, but he would run around the front of the house, where he knew his owner could hear him. Clever cat!

Even when she locked him in the living room so she couldn't hear his miaowing, he just miaowed louder so she could still hear him.

If he was in his owner's room, he would miaow as if he wanted to go out.

But when he was outside her room, he would miaow as if he wanted to come in. He would also thump loudly on her door with his paws.

When she was trying to work at her computer, he would sit at her feet and miaow passionately, as if he were trying to tell her a small child was stuck down a well.

But there was no child in the well.

Sometimes he would jump into her arms. He would purr loudly…

…until she put him down. Then he would miaow angrily at being rejected.

Even though he was perfectly capable of eating his food by himself, he would miaow until his owner dropped what she was doing to stand next to his food bowl and watch him eat.

When his owner was trying to prepare food for herself, he would get underfoot and miaow loudly at the opening of each packet. He even miaowed at things that did not look at all like cat food.

No. Spaghetti is not for cats!

Well, perhaps just one.

© Mel Campbell 2014. All rights reserved.

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