Thursday, February 20, 2014

The Wolf of Lygon Street. Since I am participating in an Oscars roundtable for Junkee, today I figured I had better see The Wolf of Wall Street. I missed the preview screening because in its wisdom, the distributor had scheduled it at the same time as another studio's screening and like Jordan Belfort himself, gave zero fucks. And because it goes for three hours I was really daunted by how I was going to find the time to see it.

But that's not to say I wasn't interested. I've read Jordan Belfort's memoir, on which the film is based, and jeez it's an entertaining read. Here are some bits I highlighted because I couldn't believe I was actually reading them:
"after seeing her on the delivery table with her pussy looking big enough to hide Jimmy Hoffa, I hadn't been too much in the mood." (My note: "You have to wonder what his wife and children make of this book.") 
"I smiled at Wigwam, who had just confirmed what I already knew – that he was not a wartime consigliere and would be of little help to Danny in matters like these." ("I love the way Jordan views his life through the prism of pop culture.") 
"Well, I'm not the judgmental type, Bo. I hate judgmental people. I think they're the worst sort, don't you? ("LOL") 
"The company was bleeding cash like a hemophiliac in a rosebush." (Oh Jesus. Also, LOL)
I also read an interview with Scorsese and DiCaprio about the film, and a fascinating feature about what Jordan Belfort is up to now. (Still giving zero fucks.) And here is an interesting guide to how the film diverges from real life. One thing they don't mention in there is that, in a film containing so much casual misogyny and homophobia and rampant drug-taking and law-breaking, they cared enough to change a character's name from 'Wigwam' to 'Rugrat' – presumably because they didn't want to be racist.

But anyway, tonight I had a Hot Desk Fellows get-together at the Wheeler Centre and then after that I figured I would get some dinner on Lygon Street and then go see the 9:20pm Wolf of Wall Street at Cinema Nova.

So told various people I was going to do this, and then I got my ticket and I showed it to the usher and I helped some other patrons find the cinema and then I sat down in the cinema and watched the movie.

I am telling you this boring procedural story so you understand how ridiculous I felt upon exiting the film about an hour ago and realising that all along I had been wearing this shirt:

I started LOLing to myself as I walked along that purple corridor and down the stairs and out onto Lygon Street. What must those people have thought of me? Maybe they thought I was some crazed Jordan Belfort fan who'd been so excited about finally seeing her hero onscreen that she'd worn her special wolf shirt.

Imagine me once more, saying to the ticket seller, "One ticket for The Wolf of Wall Street" and then her giving me this supercilious up-and-down gaze and me thinking it was just because she was a film hipster who felt herself to be above the schmos who actually pay to see movies, but no, it was because she thought I was so lame to be wearing a costume. Like, would I be wearing blue when I went to see Blue Is the Warmest Colour?

Or, worse, what if they thought I am generally super into wolves? Like, a Crazy Wolf Lady?

Imagine if I were indeed a Crazy Wolf Lady and my house was full of stuffed toy wolves and wolf posters and wolf throw rugs, and when I led you seductively to my bedroom you were confronted with this turgidifying sight:

Or maybe this; I haven't figured out which I prefer.

And because I am so into wolves, I consume any cultural products with vague wolf references. Like, you look at my CD collection and it's all Steppenwolf and Wolfmother and Yelawolf, and my bookshelf has Naomi Wolf and Tom Wolfe and Virginia Woolf, and my DVDs are all like Dances with Wolves and Teen Wolf and Red Riding Hood and that Jack Nicholson film Wolf and White Fang and The Grey which is that one where Liam Neeson punches a wolf.

And I have been absolutely jonesing to see this new wolf film and so I wore my special wolf shirt.

The most ridiculous thing of all is that while I was seeing The Wolf of Wall Street tonight there was a preview screening of Wolf Creek 2, so I would have looked just as ridiculous if I'd gone to that instead.

This post is utterly hilarious. You might say I'm [cough] howling with laughter.
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