Monday, January 04, 2016

A shameful Star Wars fantasy. Today Elanor shared some Han Solo fan fiction on Facebook. I read some and it's quite well written; the author understands not just the texture of the Star Wars universe but can convey some of the personality the actors brought to their characters.

Anyway, so I was looking at Graham, sitting on the floor beside my desk, and a terrible, shameful Star Wars fantasy gripped me. I often call him my 'buddy'… what if Graham was roughly four to five times his actual size, and then he could be my Chewbacca and I would be Han Solo?

We'd go blasting our way through the galaxy, smuggling stuff and going on missions. "Ready to make the leap to hyperspace, Grahamy?" I'd say from the pilot's seat of the Mellium Mazda 626.

"Mew," Graham would say, only it would be ear-shatteringly loud because of his newly enlarged and powerful larynx and lungs.

His fearsome, five-inch fangs and his claws the size of switchblades would definitely come in handy during a fight, though.

Basically at this point the Star Wars fantasy peters out because of Graham's general hopelessness. I mean, he runs in terror at the sound of a plastic bag being shaken, and today was seriously freaked out by my hairdryer.

Can you imagine the monstrous turds that giant Graham would lay on the floor? How much cat food he would demand to eat? It would be like that scene in The BFG when the titular colossus arrives at Buckingham Palace and the staff are freaking out about how much food to feed him, and he eats with a garden fork and an heirloom sword.

I have to wonder whether having Graham around is only nice because he is physically small enough for me to pick up, hold on my lap and overpower when necessary.

Have you ever had that fantasy about being small like a child again, because there were giant people who could hug you like your parents used to, and carry you in from the car when you were sleepy? Maybe it would be lovely to have a giant friendly cat snuggle you. His fur would be so long, and he would be so warm in winter. Imagine his purr, like an outboard motor.

Oh boy, am I glad nobody reads blogs any more.

EDIT, 6 JANUARY: Just remembered that an Argentinean coffee ad brought my fantasy to life, although this cat is larger than my fantastical giant Graham.

haven't logged into blogger for ages, but so glad i did just for this
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