Monday, July 05, 2010

Me eat you long time. It's probably a good thing I've never worked in advertising – or, depending on your perspective, a terrible thing – as I'm about to pitch you my amazing concept for Whiskas Oh So Fishy and Oh So Meaty…

Here they are. It is a mystery to me why Whiskas would give its cat food this absurd, fey name and never make any mention of it whatsoever in its advertising. It's always just "Whiskas". With that stupid purple cat.

By contrast, I just cannot open a can or sachet of the stuff without poncing about the kitchen saying, "Oh! So fishy! Oh! oh! Me so fishy! Oh! So fishy! Me eat you long time!"

I realise there's an ontological problem with both being the food and wanting to eat the food, but I am pretty much just shoehorning the concept into this song (it's the uncensored version, in case you are reading this at work):

I just find the idea of a Whiskas ad campaign based on 'Me So Horny' incredibly hilarious. You could get some cats and put them in huge gold chains and earrings, etc, and CGI them so they booty-danced. Or maybe the owners would do the dancing while the cats just ate the Whiskas.

There could even be a UGC element where people could create music videos starring their own cats doing the song, and then upload them to the Whiskas website. Ahahaha they could manipulate their cats' front paws in humorous ways!

"I'm a freak in heat/A cat who likes treaties/My appetite's for Whiskas/Cos me so meaty…"

So, this is going to sound really strange. I stumbled on your blog a few years ago and absolutely adored your writing style, and was thrilled when I came across you again flicking around links from other peoples' blogs.

I pick up from your writing that you seem to get pretty down about yourself. You shouldn't. I think you're absolutely amazing, and I'm in no way a freaky old guy with his hand on his junk. Just a girl who was inspired by you a few years ago and is now inspired all over again.
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